Sarah <sarah_b@pipeline.com>: funnies

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--------- Begin forwarded message ----------
From: Sarah <sarah_b@pipeline.com>
To: Thomas.Mohr@univie.ac.at
Cc: brian_berger@juno.com
Subject: funnies
Date: Wed, 29 Jan 1997 12:35:54 -0500
Message-ID: <1.5.4.32.19970129173554.0091c538@pop.pipeline.com>

Programmers In Flight
------------------
At a recent computer software engineering course in the US, the
participants were given an awkward question to answer:
"If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of
programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how
many of you would disembark immediately?"
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless.
When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content
to stay on board. With his team's software, he reasoned, the plane was
unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

Executive Decision
------------------
A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO
standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left.
Can you make this thing work?"
Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted
the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the
machine. "I just need one copy."

G'day Mate
-----
An Aussie on his first ever trip to the United States was visiting the
world-famous San Diego zoo and suddenly paused by one of the cages.
"Excuse me mate," he said, "what do you Yanks call that animal?'
The zookeeper explained that the animal was called a moose.
"A moose!" said the Aussie. "And I suppose you have rats the size of
elephants, then?"
                                                              
Employee Placement
------------
                                                             
Does your organization struggle with the problem of properly fitting
people to jobs? Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job
placement.
Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a
room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours,
without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what
they are doing.
If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in
Engineering.
If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.
If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to
manufacturing
If they are talking to the chairs, Human Resources is a good spot for
them.
If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to
Security.


--------- End forwarded message ----------