On the Lighter Side of Things

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DEEP QUESTIONS OF LIFE
 
1) After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before
getting  out of the water?
 
2) How can there be self-help groups?
 
3) If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
 
4) If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands
with soap?

5) If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek,
does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
 
6) (My favorite) If someone with multiple personalities threatens
to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

7) Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would
they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?

8) Is there another word for synonym?
 
9) Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do
"practice"?
 
10) Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience
cocoons in their stomach?

11) When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their
picket signs?
 
12) When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one
meant to be thrown away?  : -)

13) (Another cutey!) When your pet bird sees you reading the
newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring
at carpeting?
 
14) Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
 
15) Why isn't there a mouse-flavored cat food?
 
16) Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book
publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

HERE ARE SOME PUNS 

A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories.  After about an hour, the manager came out of the office
and asked them to disperse.  "But why?", they asked, as they
moved off.  "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting
in an open foyer."

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a 
hazelnut daiquiri on his way home.  The bartender knew of his
habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03
p.m.  One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the
bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut
extract.  Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with
hickory nuts and set it on the bar.   The doctor came in at his
regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a
hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry",  replied the bartender, "it's a
hickory daiquiri, doc."

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for
something to eat.  He came across two men.  One was sitting
under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his
typewriter.  The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the
book and devoured him.  Even the king of the jungle knows that
readers digest and writers cramp.  

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.  He sent
in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns
would win.  Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A guy goes to a psychiatrist.  "Doc, I keep having these
alternating recurring dreams.  First I'm a tepee; then I'm a wigwam;
then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam.  It's driving me crazy. 
What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies:  "It's very simple. 
You're two tents."

An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. 
The first gave birth to a boy.  The chief was so elated he built her
a teepee made of deer hide.  A few days later, the second gave
birth, also to a boy.  The chief was very happy.  He built her a
teepee made of antelope hide.  The third wife gave birth a few
days later, but the chief kept the details a secret.  He built this one
a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide.  The chief
then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.  Many
tried, unsuccessfully.  Finally, one young brave declared that the
third wife had given birth to twin boys.  "Correct," said the chief. 
"How did you figure it out?" The warrior answered, "It's
elementary.  The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal
to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."