Almost nearly

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I One Sunday, a young lay minister was giving a sermon on baptism and in the
 coarse of his sermon he was illustrating the fact that baptism should take
 place by sprinkling and not by immersion. He pointed out some instances in
 the Bible. He said that when John the Baptist baptized Jesus in the River
 Jordan, it didn't mean in -- it meant close to, round about, or nearby. And
 again when it says in the Bible that Phillip baptized the eunuch in the
 river, it didn't mean in -- it meant close to, round about, or nearby.
 
     After the service, a man came up to the young lay minister and told him
it
 was a great sermon, one of the best he had ever heard, and that it had
cleared
 up a great many mysteries he had encountered in the Bible. "For instance,"
 he said, "the story about Jonah getting swallowed by the whale has always
 bothered me. Now I know that Jonah wasn't really in the whale, but close
 to, round about, or nearby, swimming in the water. Then there is the story
 about the three young Hebrew boys who were thrown into the furious
 furnace, but were not burned. Now I see that they were not really in the
 fire, just close to, round about, or nearby, just keeping warm. But the
 hardest of all the stories for me to believe has always been the story of
 Daniel getting thrown into the lions" den. But now I see that he wasn't
 really in the lions' den, but close to, round about, or nearby, like at
 the zoo. The revealing of these mysteries have been a real comfort to me
 because I am a wicked man. Now I am gratified to know that I won't be in
 Hell, but close to, round about, or nearby. And next Sunday, I won't have
 to be in church, just close to, round about, or nearby. thanks. You have
 really put my mind at ease.

Pastor Fitzgerel