"Not importanteth"

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On Wed, 2 Sep 1998 20:43:46 EDT ReedActs@AOL.com writes:
>
>                                              The Perfect Church
> 
> I found the perfect church Dude!  It's really cool man.  Ya see I got 
>this new doo, and everyone there is really cool about it.  

                    Here's the "other" "Perfect" Church...

  I hath found the perfect Church, Brother.  It shineth amongst all other
local assemblies.  What, my hair?  Yes, it is perfectly shaved so that at
all times I might not sin with hair that is measurable.  Our Pastor said
the shorter the hair, the more holy we are, so I instantly shaved every
hair!  Why, yes it is hot this summer and yes, the long sleeve shirt IS
quite warm, but our Church discovered another Church in the western part
of the State that hath "no short sleeves" as a standard, so we must also
followeth their standard.  

But I rejoice!  Since we have mandated standards in our Church, as proof
of outward showing of salvation, we hath been liberated from free will
and individual thought!  We have even made a game of it.  Why, yester
Sunday, Brother Smith found a Church that didn't believe in wearing
orange since it was too close to red, so Sunday night, we all piled not
only our orange clothes, but also our orange towels, book covers and
Brother Smith even burned his orange Chrysler.  The children also had fun
as they threw their orange crayons in.  I was exceptionally proud when
little Josiah also threw in his "apricot" crayon since it reminded him of
the color orange.  Josiah?  Oh, you didn't know?  We all changed our
names to only those found in the Bible.  He used to be called, oh, I'm
embarrased to say it, "Gary".  He liketh the new name
My wife?  Oh, she is over there with the other women.  Remember, last
week we divided the sanctuary between men and women.  She's the one with
the light grey bonnet and black scarf over her face.  No, that's not her;
that's Sister Robertson.  Don't confuse her with my wife!  She allows her
face to be seen in public even after the Pastor found a Church where the
women covereth their faces.  We are praying for her, but I fear it is a
lost cause.  She hath also refused to speak King James Bible English.  We
have KJV Language class every Wednesday night after Standard
Indoctrination Class.

The Pastor?  Why it is he that sitteth on the high throne in the front of
the sanctuary.  We must now be silent less we miss a word of command.  He
is, after all, The Representative Of God, Infallible in word, so his
every whim is to be obeyed as if it were God Himself.  But before the
service beginneth, I wouldst ask you to pray for my own brother.  He is
now headed for the Pit because he refused to obey The Pastor commanded
that he leave his wife because she refuseth to cover her ankles in
public.  Shameful, really and so sad.  I will miss my brother, but I
guess some will rebel against God no matter what.

Jerry Welch

www.geocities.com/Athens/Aegean/2810/

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