If people bought cars like they do computers....

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WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?

General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to
drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy
computers -- but imagine if they did . . .

HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing
           happened!"
HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and
           turn it?"
CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your
           battery and turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition?  Motor?  Battery?  Engine?  How come I
           have to know all of these technical terms just to
           use my car?"

 > ---------------------------------------

HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go
           anywhere!"
HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER: "Huh?  How do I know!?"
HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a
           needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.'  Where is
           the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.'  What does that mean?"
HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline
           vendor, and purchase some more gasoline.  You can
           install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install
           it for you."
CUSTOMER: "What!? I paid $12,000. for this car!  Now you
           tell me that I have to keep buying more
           components?  I want a car that comes with
           everything built in!"

> > ----------------------------------------

HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Your cars suck!
HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"
CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the
           accelerator pedal all the way to the floor.  It
           worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and
           now it won't start!"
HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the
           product. What do you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions
           that doesn't crash anymore!"

> > - --------------------------------------------

HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Hi!  I just bought my first car, and I chose your
           car because it has automatic transmission, cruise
           control, power steering, power brakes, and power
           door locks."
HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car.  How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to DRIVE?"
CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person!  I just want to go
           places in my car!"