Idiots...nyuk, nyuk

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Here is some evidence the gene pool may need a little chlorine:
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Sign in a gas station:  Coke -- 49 cents.  Two for a dollar
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I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk
noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card.
 
She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the
card was signed.  When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary
to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just
signed on the receipt.
 
So I signed the credit card in front of her.  She carefully compared
that signature to the one I signed on the receipt.  As luck would have
it, they matched.
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Warning!
 
At a grocery store in San Jose, they have new credit card/bank card
readers at the checkout stands.  If you don't know how to orient your
card to swipe it through the reader, the checkout person will say,
"Strip down, face toward me." Editor's Note:  Am I wrong, or is this
just asking for trouble?
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A customer at a sub shop ordered "a small soda."  The owner responded,
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have small, just medium and large."(Both
cost 99 cents.)
 
The kicker came when the customer, a rather well-dressed business type,
disappointedly said, "Okay, I guess I'll just have to have the medium
then."
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Idiots and Geography:
 
After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I
described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic.  My boss said,
"Really?  Where is Monosyllabia?"
 
Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was
just south of Elbonia.  He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"
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Advice for Idiots:
 
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety
Handbook for Employees."
 
"Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."
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Idiots in the Neighborhood
 
I live in a semi-rural area.  We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer
Crossing sign on our road.
 
The reason:  Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted
them to cross there.
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Idiots and Computers:
 
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of
a large bank.  Employees in the field call him when they have problems
with their computers.  One night he got a call from a woman in one of
the branch banks who had this question:
 
"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal.  Do you guys have a
fire downtown?"
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Idiots Are Easy To Please:
 
I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the
next day would be the shortest day of the year.  My lab partner became
visibly excited, cheering and clapping.  I explained to her that the
amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to
say, she was very disappointed.
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Idiots In Food Services:
 
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.  She asked the
individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."  He said he was
sorry, but they only had iceberg.
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Idiots Do Math:
 
A coworker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit her
for the holidays.  Someone asked how old her sister was, at which she
paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old as I
am, that's how I always remember."
 
So someone else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat...  So every year
that you age, she only ages half a year?"  My co-worker thought about
that, and then said, "Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years."