Metrication and EOW Headlines ... nyuk, nyuk

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It started when they metricated my money and changed from pounds
to dollars, and my debt at the bank doubled.

I was just getting used to that when they brought in kilograms
instead of pounds and my crop dropped by half!

Then they changed the rainfall into millimetres and we haven't
had an inch of rain since.

So what do they do then?

They bring in a thing called Celsuis and the temperature drops
by twenty degrees.  No wonder my corn won't grow.

As if that wasn't enough they changed from acres to hectares and
I ended up with half the land I originally had.... so I decided
to sell out.

I had just got the place on the market when they changed miles to
kilometres and now I'm too far out of town for anyone to buy the
place.

It's the metric system .... and they call it progress.

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When the end of the world arrives,  how will the media report it?

           USA Today:
           WE'RE DEAD

           The Wall Street Journal:
           DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

           Microsoft Systems Journal:
           APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE

           Victoria's Secret Catalog:
           OUR FINAL SALE

           Wired:
           THE LAST NEW THING

           Rolling Stone:
           THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR

           Readers Digest:
           'BYE'

           Discover Magazine:
           HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT
           THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?

           TV Guide:
           DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSEN RATINGS SOAR!

           Ladies Home Journal:
           LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!

           America Online:
           SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN.  TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.

           Inc. magazine:
           Ten Ways You Can Profit from the Apocalypse

           Microsoft's Web Site:
           If you didn't experience the rapture, download software
           patch   RAPT777.EXE.

           Sun:
           Armageddon Tolerant Software Now Available!

           Sports Illustrated:
           GAME OVER

           Sports Illustrated (by Bro Tyler):
           THE FAT LADY HAS SUNG