Church nyuk, nyuk's
Tyler Nally (tnally@iquest.net)
Sun, 26 Apr 1998 21:43:29 -0500
CHURCH HUMOR
Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed:The
Gate of Heaven". Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please
use other entrance."
Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Yuma,
AZ, says that the best prayer he ever heard was: "Lord, please make me
the kind of person my dog thinks I am."
A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
"What Denomination?" Asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to
this?" said the woman. "Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic ones."
On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor and one farmer
arrived at the village church. The pastor said, "Well, I guess we won't
have a service today." The farmer replied: "Heck, if even only one cow
shows up at feeding time, I feed it."
During a children's sermon, Rev. Larry Eisenberg asked the children what
"Amen" means. A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means -
'Tha-tha-tha-that's all folks!' "
A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His answer?
"3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7".
I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old son ran up to me,
grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the
sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and
went to Heaven," I replied. My son thought a moment and then said, "And
God threw him back down?"
Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time when
he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said, "Daddy, how
do you know what to draw?" I said, "God tells me." Jeffy said, "Then why
do you keep erasing parts of it?"
After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: "When I grow up,
I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied,
"but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers
we've ever had."
My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our
six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" I
wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy
say," my wife said. Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord,
why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
CHURCH HUMOR
Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed:The
Gate of Heaven". Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please
use other entrance."
Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Yuma,
AZ, says that the best prayer he ever heard was: "Lord, please make me
the kind of person my dog thinks I am."
A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
"What Denomination?" Asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to
this?" said the woman. "Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic ones."
On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor and one farmer
arrived at the village church. The pastor said, "Well, I guess we won't
have a service today." The farmer replied: "Heck, if even only one cow
shows up at feeding time, I feed it."
During a children's sermon, Rev. Larry Eisenberg asked the children what
"Amen" means. A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means -
'Tha-tha-tha-that's all folks!' "
A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His answer?
"3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7".
I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old son ran up to me,
grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the
sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and
went to Heaven," I replied. My son thought a moment and then said, "And
God threw him back down?"
Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells of a time when
he was penciling one of his cartoons and his son Jeffy said, "Daddy, how
do you know what to draw?" I said, "God tells me." Jeffy said, "Then why
do you keep erasing parts of it?"
After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: "When I grow up,
I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied,
"but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers
we've ever had."
My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our
six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" I
wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy
say," my wife said. Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord,
why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
--
______ ___ __ _____ __ __ __ __ tnally@iquest.net tnally@mcp.com
|_ _| \ | | _ | | | | \ \/ / tgnally@prairienet.org
| | | |\\| | _ | |__| |__ | | T. Nally - "A M.I.M.E. is a
|__| |__| \___|_| |_|_____|_____||__| a terrible thing to waste."