Few nyuk, nyuk's

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PC Message Glossary

A somewhat improved glossary of your PC's messages
(By Kevin Pease)

It says:  "Press Any Key"
It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."

It says:  "Press A Key"
(This one's a programmers joke.)
          Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.

It says:  "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error
          no. 1A4-2546512430E"
It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes,
          only to be told that it's a hardware problem."

It says:  "Installing program to C:\<Directory>...."
It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into
          c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them."

It says:  "Please insert disk 7"
It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 6 disks."

It says:  "Not enough memory"
It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM,
          I want to use the bit below 640K."

It says:  "Cannot read from drive D:...."
It means: "...however, if you put the CD in right side up..."

It says:  "Please Wait...."
It means: "...indefinitely."

It says:  "Directory does not exist...."
It means: "....any more. Woops."

It says:  "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close."
It means: "....Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting
          your work back."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat
this procedure for 2 weeks.  The next time I see you, you'll have
lost at least 5 pounds."

 When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20  pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The woman nodded.  "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going 
to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from skipping."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was
determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you."
After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally
figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.
He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill
two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the
attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan was that when he
passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.
Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic
cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash. "Oh,
that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the
money in the basement."
--
Bro Tyler Nally <tnally@iquest.net> <tgnally@prairienet.org>

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