A *blank* walks into a .... nyuk, nyuk's

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Greetings Saints!

Though the following jokes have references in them concerning lounges,
bars, bartenders, etc. .... the focus of these jokes aren't *centered*
around drinking, alcoholism, and reveling, and the like.  The focus of
the jokes are subject persons, subject animals, and the extenuating 
circumstances surrounding the subject person.  Most of the jokes end up
in a clever play on words or puns.  Which is the particular reason why
I liked these.

So This _____________________ walks into a ...

...This duck walks into a bar and the bartender looks at him and
   says, "Hey, buddy, your pants are *down*..." (you know ... "down"
   as in "duck down" or "goose down")

...This mushroom walks into a bar and starts talking to this woman...
   She, of course, turns him down. Not willing, to give up, he
   pleads with her... "C'mon lady, I'm a fun guy (fungi) ..."

...This horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, buddy,
   why the long face...

...These two strings walk upto a bar... The first string walks in
   and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't
   serve strings in this bar... The other string ruffs himself up
   on the street and curls up and orders... The bartender shouts,
   Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" String says "Yeah."
   Bartender says, "aren't you a string?"
   String says, "No, I'm a frayed not..."

...This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says
   "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies
   "Really? You have a drink named Steve?!"

...This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says,"What'll
    ya have..." The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club...

...A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a Dr Pepper" he says. The
   bartender promptly serves up a soft drink. "How much will that be?"
   asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

...Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Would
   you like a Pepsi?"
   Descartes replies "I think not" and POOF! he vanishes...

...A three legged dog walks into a bar and says,
   "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw..."

...A hamburger walks into a bar, and the bartenders says,
   "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here..."

...A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

...A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry
   but I can't serve you." "Why not?" asks the snake. The bartender
   says, "Because you can't hold your liquor..."

...Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a-salted...

...Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender.
   "I'll have a glass of blood," said one. "I'll have a glass
    of plasma", said the other. "Okay," replied the bartender,
   "that'll be one blood and one blood lite..."

...Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, 'I think I've
   lost an electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?'
   The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive...'

...Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, a tub
   of cottage chesse, says to them, "We don't serve your kind
   in here." One of the yogurt cartons says back to him,
   "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

...a man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a Coke. As he
   sipped the coke, he heard a soothing voice say "nice tie!".
   Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for
   himself and the bartender at the end of the bar. A few sips
   later the voice said "beautiful shirt". At this, the man
   called the bartender over.,"Hey...i must be losing my mind,"
   he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying
   nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."
   "It's the peanuts" answered the bartender.
   "Say what?"
   "You heard me" said the barkeep."it's the peanuts...they're
   complimentary."

...A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the
   collar and is met by a matre de who tells him he must wear a
   necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he
   looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't
   have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In
   desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion
   a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.
   He goes back to the restaurant and the matre de carefully looks
   him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you
   can come in - just don't start anything."

--
Bro Tyler Nally <tnally@iquest.net> <tgnally@prairienet.org>
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