Bad doggie list ... nyuk, nyuk's

• Messages sorted by:[ date ][ thread ][ subject ][ author ]

This is a list of phrases dog owners should get their naughty pets 
to write on a blackboard the same way that teachers made the naughty
boys and girls do in grade school.  If you could get them to write...  

A. Fill in the blanks

1. [xxx] is not food.
   Spiders; bandaids; ivy and airplane plants; Xmas ornaments; the carved
   jack-o-lantern; plants from the aquarium; cat litter box contents; laundry
   detergent boxes (esp. not when full!); toothpaste (tube and all); remote
   controls; linoleum; eyeglasses; books; stockings; the tar shingles on my
   house; chicken wire; bizarre plants; disposable razors; rocks; Lego; dirty
   Kleenex; the baby's used diaper; Christmas stockings; soda pop cans;
   fiberglass insulation stuffed up the chimney; the underwear in the clothes
   hamper; Mommy's hair accessories; Mommy's catnip teabags; unopened honey
   packets; staples; Christmas stockings; credit cards, CDs, and
   other thin plastic things.

2. I will not lift my leg to the [xxx].
   Anything growing in the vegetable garden; house corner; new boyfriend;
   mailman; wood stove; subordinate pack members; Grandma's plush chair; 
   Daddy in the lawn chair.

3. I recognize that [xxx] has a right to exist.
   The humans' shoes; the human's cats; the aquarium; 3rd grade art projects
   (even if they are made of macaroni shells); the other dog(s); the TV remote
   control; the human's little humans; the bath mitt; Life magazine;
   large patterns on wallpaper;

4. [xxx] is not a toy.
   The humans' shoes; the human's cats; the humans' pet cockatiel; newly 
   planted iris bulbs; pillows and blankets from the bed; laundry (dirty OR 
   clean); aquarium plants; stuffed animals from on top of the chest of 
   drawers; pillows and blankets from the newly made bed; the hose that's 
   filling the kiddie pool; the humans' Nerf footballs; human's underwear;
  Mommy and Daddy's ferrets.

5. I will not chew the [xxx].
   Human's homework; human's papers s/he has to mark; remote control;
cardboard 
   around the laundry detergent; handles to the lawn tools; garage door; 
   kitchen cabinets; food left within reach on the couch; the mini-human's 
   *full* bottle even though it conveniently fell in front of me from the
crib; 
   horse's new saddle; wall; carpet; deck; couch; sofa cushions; expensive 
   paperbacks.

6. I will not bark at [xxx].
   Plastic bags on the ground; the new plow blade on my owner's truck when it 
   is parked; the wind; thunder; the road grader; Daddy's new Santa bear toy 
   (which was innocently sitting on a chair, and had been there for hours 
   before Molly noticed it and took umbrage); tissue paper being blown along 
   the floor by air from the furnace; the spring doorstop when I or the kid 
   flips it and makes it go DOooiiiiinnnnnng; my mother's clean laundry
thrown 
   on top of the bed, even if the room is dark and it looks like someone 
   sleeping there; the ball I just pushed into an inaccessible crevice all by 
   myself; the fox/skunk/cat/deer out in the yard at any time after midnight, 
   especially on a work night; the fire hydrant on the corner when out for a 
   walk at night; the car radio; the answering machine lady when she says the 
   date/time; the ice cube that slid under the fridge; the rawhide chewbone 
   that I'm making no headway on; absolutely _nothing_ (especially after 11 
   PM).

7. I will not dig [xxx].
   Under the stove (and through the linoleum); under the sidewalk until it
   collapses; the carpet; a hole under the porch and then get stuck under it;
   under my master's pillow at 2 AM to retrieve the bone I hid there earlier; 
   a swimming pool in the back yard;

--
 ______ ___   __ _____ __    __   __  __ tnally@iquest.net tnally@mcp.com
|_    _|   \ |  |  _  |  |  |  |  \ \/ / tgnally@prairienet.org
  |  | |  |\\|  |  _  |  |__|  |__ |  |  T. Nally - "A M.I.M.E. is a
  |__| |__| \___|_| |_|_____|_____||__|  a terrible thing to waste."