NO EXCUSE SUNDAY

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In a message dated 2/25/98 4:22:23 AM Mountain Standard Time,
Jokeman@nextfrontier.net writes:

> Excerpt From an August 4, 1996, Church Bulletin 
>  
> To make it possible for everyone to attend church next Sunday we are going
> to have a special "No Excuse Sunday," 
>  
> Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say "Sunday is my only day
> to sleep in."  We will have steel helmets for those who think the church is
> going to fall down, Space heaters will be available for those that say the
> church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.  We will have
> hearing aids for those who say "The Priest talks too softly," and cotton for
> those who say HE preaches too loudly.  Score cards for those who wish to
> list hypocrites present.  Some relatives will be in attendance for those who
> like to go visiting on Sundays.  There will be TV dinners for those who
can't
> go to Church and cook dinner also.  One section will be devoted to trees and
> grass for those who like to see God in Nature. Finally the Sanctuary will be
>  decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter Lilies for those who
>  have never seen the church without them.
>