Fwd: Lawyer Jokes, Part 3

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From: "Joe's Jokes" <Jokeman@cheerful.com>
To: Joke@nextfrontier.net
Subject: Lawyer Jokes, Part 3
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What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? 
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do. 

Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? 
Professional courtesy. 

What's the definition of "a shame" (as in, "that's a shame")? 
When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff. 

What is the definition of a "crying shame"? 
When there was an empty seat. 

How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? 
Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant. 

How many defense attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? 
How many can you afford? 

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking
down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar
bill. Who gets it? 
The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythological creatures. 

Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey, the most
toxic waste dumps? 
New Jersey got first pick. 

What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50? 
Your honor. 

What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad? 
Senator. 

What is the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? 
You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline! 

In front of you stand four men: Adolf Hitler, Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein
and a lawyer. 
You are holding a gun which contains only three bullets.
Who do you shoot? 
Use all three bullets on the lawyer. 

What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? 
The tick stops draining you and drops off after you're dead. 

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? 
A good start! 

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? 
His lips are moving. 

What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer
in the road? 
There are skid marks in front of the dog. 

What is the difference between a dead lawyer and a squished skunk in the
road? 
The vultures will eat the skunk. 

What is the difference between a lawyer and a skunk? 
Nobody wants to hit a skunk. 

Why won't vultures eat dead lawyers? 
There are some things that would gag even a vulture. 
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