many nyuk, nyuk's

• Messages sorted by:[ date ][ thread ][ subject ][ author ]

 
 It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room
 temperature.
 
 I saw a sign at a gas station.  It said 'help wanted'.  There was
 another sign below it that said 'self service'.  So I hired
 myself. Then I made myself the boss.  I gave myself a raise. I
 paid myself. Then I quit.
 
 I parked in the tow-away zone, and when I got back, the entire
 neighborhood was gone.
 
 I once put instant coffee in a microwave and went back in time.
 
 I got a dog and named him `Stay'.  Now, I go `Come here, Stay!'
 After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.
 
 I spilled spot remover on my dog....now he's gone.
 
 Last year for Christmas, I got a humidifier and a
 dehumidifier.... I thought I'd put them in the same room and let
 them fight it out.
 
 I woke up this morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called
 information.  She said they were behind the couch.  She was right.
 
 Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I
 think I've forgotten this before.
 
 In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything.
 Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check.
 
 Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany.   She said, "Cut
 it out."
 
 Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
 
 What's another word for Thesaurus?
 
 I planted some bird seed.  A bird grew.  Now I don't know what to
 feed it.
 
 You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology
 experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's
 part of the experiment?  I'm like that all the time.
 
 The sign said "eight items or less".  So I changed my name to Les.
 
 I xeroxed a mirror.  Now I have an extra xerox machine.
 
 I went to a general store.  They wouldn't let me buy anything
 specific.
 
 When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station.
 Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
 
 I have a microwave fireplace in my house...The other night I
 relaxed in front of the fire for the evening in ten minutes.
 
 I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left
 earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
 
 I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes.  They had little pictures
 of cats on them.  Then I took one out and he ran around in
 circles.
 
 I have an answering machine in my car. It says "I'm home now. But
 leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
 
 On the other hand, you have different fingers.
 
----------------------
--
 ______ ___   __ _____ __    __   __  __ tnally@iquest.net tnally@mcp.com
|_    _|   \ |  |  _  |  |  |  |  \ \/ / tgnally@prairienet.org
  |  | |  |\\|  |  _  |  |__|  |__ |  |  T. Nally - "A M.I.M.E. is a
  |__| |__| \___|_| |_|_____|_____||__|  a terrible thing to waste."